Last words

Every single week I look forward to one TV show more than any other... (Not the Biggest Loser, although it's my favorite show EVER)... I absolutely LOVE How I Met Your Mother.  I think it's got some of the best writing on TV and I laugh my ass off, out loud, to every episode.  I always had a huge crush on Neil Patrick Harris growing up and I love his character Barney Stinson.

Well this week's episode totally threw me.  I just watched it, expecting it to be funny and just the comedy treatment I needed to wake me from my emotional week from hell.  Oh heck no.  This was the saddest show I have seen in my entire life.

Here's the episode if you want to check it out yourself...
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/how_i_met_your_mother/video/?pid=LSN0exE_EMGgsM2qwpHJpOSMj6Lq6RW9

The quick quick version is that Marshall is at his father's funeral and the whole family has decided that they will use the theme of "last words" as what they will do for the eulogy.  I cried for 30 solid minutes.  How could the funniest show on TV let me down like this?  I already have a hard time dealing with funerals since my sister's death but this show really got me thinking...  If I died tomorrow, what would my last words have been?  Would they have been something stupid?  Would they have been loving?  Would they have been mean or hateful?  I hope they would have been meaningful to whoever I said them to.

I think back to the last thing Heather said to me before she died.  We had just come back from her arteriogram and I had to use the bathroom - I was pregnant, this wasn't out of the ordinary.  I told her I'd be right back and she said "I'll be right here.  Hurry back - I love you."   By the time I got back, Heather had taken a turn for the worse and was in cardiac arrest.  They were performing CPR and wheeling her out of the ER to surgery.  The only thing I could do was stand there in the ER and scream "somebody DO something!!"  I think back to this and I realize that I didn't even say "I love you" back to her. 

With the week I have had and all of the anger and hurt feelings I have had, this one show has stopped me dead in my tracks.  I'm realizing that, yet again, life is too short to hold on to these bad feelings.  To hold onto anger towards people who probably don't even realize I was angry with them.  To let go of the hurts that people have caused and to just ... forgive. 

If I die today, I hope my last words were "I'm glad that I knew you.  You were special to me.  I love you."