Quote of the day

A bus station is where a bus stops.  A train station is where a train stops.  A work station is where what stops?

- Tom Hawkins

*thanks for the work humor today, Daddy!

RELEVANT

Real conversations

You'll be all right

I needed the reminder.  Thank you Rascal Flatts.  Your rotation on my XM this morning was more timely than you realize.  Thank you God.  You got this! 

9 parents you'll meet when your kids start school this fall

Find the original post here.


Parents of the incoming pre-school or kindergarten class of 2015, congratulations!  If you’re reading this, you’ve made it past those grueling infant and toddler years with your wits and child presumably intact, and the big milestone of starting school next fall is looming.
The final weeks before September will be filled with the purchase of supplies, pre-school play-dates, and remedial potty training (to avoid that telltale inch of pink or blue pull-up above the belt line that just screams lazy parenting.)    But you yourself may need slightly longer to prepare for your introduction to a new social hierarchy that will envelope you for at least the next 13 years. I’m talking about us, your fellow school parents.   While we are all reasonably unique individuals, you will soon begin to notice some definite archetypes emerge as clearly as they did back in your own High School days.   However, in place of the jocks, brains and burnouts, some updated prototypes/food groups have evolved.
To help you prepare for, identify, and manage your interactions with these icons of the schoolyard, you may want to familiarize yourself with this brief field guide:

Cool Dad

Maybe the most immediately visible of all parent types, you can spot Cool Dad from across the parking lot:  The Porkpie Hat; the full tattoo sleeve; the Daft Punk 2002 Tour T-shirt…  Cool Dad wants you to know, before even getting within 12 feet of him, that just because he’s had a couple of kids, it doesn’t mean he’s lost his Street Cred  (even if it does mean taking 7 hours to install a safety seat into his vintage Chevelle.)   Often accessorizing Cool Dad will be Cool Kid – a nice, normal tot who has no idea who Radiohead are, or why they are on his faux vintage T-shirt.   Other signals that you’re in the presence of Cool Dad include the faint moans unique to a 45 year-old still torturing his feet in Converse Chuck Taylors.

The Whole Foods Fan

Always a hit at the Back to School picnic, The Whole Foods Fan is a veritable Farmers Market meets holistic nutrition guru.   While your squirt is half-heartedly plodding through a lunch of mac & cheese and a fruit roll-up, their macrobiotic mini-me is inhaling a Kale Salad, with just a splash of Quinoa.  At first you may admire The Whole Food Fan’s passion for feeding their spawn only locally grown organic fare, and grains you’ve only heard about on NPR.   But that admiration will quickly fade in the face of a few clucking “you let him eat that? Really??” comments.   Also likely to have you re-thinking becoming BFFs with The Whole Food Fan: her passion for breast-feeding. Her 6 year old. In the parking lot.   You’ll soon learn to park at least four car lengths away from her Volvo wagon each morning, to avoid glimpsing “The Top-Off Before Drop-Off.”     If that doesn’t seal the deal, her un-vaccinated 3rd grader introducing the entire school to Whooping Cough just before Christmas break probably will.

Old School, Inc.

A fading but venerable staple in the parent pool is Old School, Inc.  Most often found among the older dads, especially those wheezing through a second family, Old School has had more than enough of this modern parenting sh*t.   His mom smoked a pack of Camels a day while he was in the womb and it didn’t hurt him a bit, and the best part of going to school was flying across the back-deck of the wagon when his dad cornered hard.  In spite of the gruff exterior, Old School is a good acquaintance to make, not the least for his grim assessment of which of the other dads could’ve hacked it in ‘Nam.  The fact that Old School is often re-married to a 28 year old Pilates instructor who gave birth in a pool with piped in whale songs only adds to the simmering indignation at what his golden years are shaping up to be.

The Big Planner

The brisk stride, the ever-present clipboard, and the evangelical glint in her eye are the ready tells of the Big Planner.   No school can function without at least a handful Big Planners, but that doesn’t always translate into the appreciation they deserve. Caller ID and Gmail filters are no match for their tenacity.  The reality that any chance encounter will likely result in your assignment to a minimum of 3 committees leads to an instinctive fight-or-flight response to the sight of The Big Planner.  The veteran slacker parent won’t even enter a school building without having scoped out three rapid B-P escape routes.

Mr & Mrs. Bling

That blinding glare on horizon each morning is a sure sign that Mr. or Mrs. Bling are en route to deliver their stylish spawn to school. From the faux Mediterranean mansion to the Porsche SUV, everything about this family screams apex consumer and a craving for status.  Making matters worse, that 9 year old with the highlights, and a Prada Trapper Keeper inside her Marc Jacobs backpack probably has a higher credit score than you.  But alienate them at your peril: one Super Bowl party spent in front of a 160” flat screen and there’s no going back.

Fiesta Mom

Also hard to miss is Fiesta Mom.  F-M is often a former social butterfly and alpha dater, who settled down to what she assumed would be an idyllic life as a SAHM.  6 months into that, nearly sociopathic from isolation and repeated routine, she found salvation in the cocktail play date trend and has been the life of the party ever since. Even if the “party” is actually a midday volunteer meeting for the Fall fundraiser, and not one of the agenda items is “Any one want to pop some pinot after pick-up?”

The Bodyguard

Whether emerging mysteriously from the playground shrubs at recess to re-apply SPF or “accidentally” dropping that old baby monitor into their first graders supply cubby, the Bodyguard is a round the clock presence in the school yard.  Also commonly known as a Helicopter Parent, telltale traits of The Bodyguard include co-dependency, debilitating anxiety, and far too much free time.   Witness Protection and Semester at Sea are common destinations for the children of The Bodyguard.

Recently Divorced Dad

He smells faintly of spray tan and Binaca, thinks his 8 year-old son is the ultimate icebreaker, and he’s coming this way.  Enough Said.

The Tattletale

It used to be that there was only so much damage you could do by exhibiting bad behavior at your kids’ school.  Even if the implied penalty of “Telling tales out of School” was always a little murky, what was the worst that could happen?  A little gossip around the PTA and at cocktail parties max.  Then came the Internet, and your dysfunctional drop-off style was suddenly be fodder for analysis, mocking, and snarky reader comments coast to coast.  Damn Bloggers ruin everything.
Guest written by Jon Taylor 

On repeat today

Side note - this is my buddy from high school.  Incredibly talented and one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet.

TWO WEEKS!

Only two weeks until the braces on the upper arch come off!  I cannot wait!  I just purchased a home whitening kit for these bad boys for when they are ready.

Before and After pictures to come soon!

For Leah!

Happy friday!

One day...

One day, I will drop dead of a heart attack caused by the stress of a little something call an eligibility file. I am calling it now. take out a life insurance policy on me.

23 Things People who grew up in Catholic church will understand

Number 12... every time!

 

1. The frustration of arriving late for mass and finding out there were no more pews to sit in.

Standing for an entire hour of mass can be a little painstaking. Especially as a kid.

2. The pain your legs felt after standing for an entire Palm Sunday mass.

Sunday mass: one hour. Palm Sunday mass: FOREVER.

3. Hearing the two most dreaded words on Christmas Eve: MIDNIGHT MASS.

20th Century Fox

4. Feeling morally wrong if you were the only one sitting down.

5. Cringing while rewatching the home videos of your baptism.

Don’t worry. Everyone cries. Everyone.

6. Daydreaming while looking at colored church windows.

7. Giving money to the collection basket was always a little exciting.

8. Speaking gibberish when you didn’t know the prayer.

9. Believing that the “Blood of Christ” would taste like grape juice.

It doesn’t. It tastes like wine.

10. Participating in your First Communion meant you could finally taste those communion wafers.

For some reason, you always thought they would taste sweet.

They don’t. They taste like wheat.

11. Wondering what lucky person would receive “the giant one.”

No one. The priest would rip the wafer to pieces and serve them to the congregation. So much for that…

12. The indecisiveness of grabbing the wafer or sticking your tongue out.

 

You wanted to grab the wafer, but you always forgot which hand went on top. When push came to shove, you always stuck out your tongue.

13. Always forgetting what you were going to say in the confession booth.

Let’s be honest: You don’t really have anything to confess until you’re an adult.

14. The simple pleasure of playing footsie with the kneeling pads.

15. The comfort of kneeling like this.

The half-kneeling, half-sitting routine worked every time.

16. Shaking hands with strangers during the Sign of Peace was always a little awkward.

Do I have to shake everyone’s hand or just the first three people?

17. And so was holding hands.

Two words: Sweaty. Palms.

18. When the priest blessed the congregation with holy water, you felt extra special when the water actually touched you.

 

19. You always wondered why the priest delivered his sermon with a lazy singing voice.

You would later learn that he was actually chanting.

20. If your church played an organ, it always sounded like the Four Horsemen were about to make an appearance.

21. On Ash Wednesday, it was cool to walk into school with a cross on your forehead.

“What? This? It’s only the power of Christ. NBD.”

22. The joy of hearing someone read out the community events of the week.

This was a sign that the end of mass was near.

23. And finally, everyone’s favorite part: “May God bless you. The mass has ended. Go in peace.”

Run Tyler Run!

Today was the day we've been waiting on for over two months now.  My son Tyler got his casts taken off!  Here's what we're looking at...

Man, did his feet stink!  I can't wait to get him into the bathtub tonight (complete with lots of bubbles and no ziplock bags!).  His scarring is actually pretty minimal - it's hard to tell from the picture.

Tyler is so excited about his "robot legs!"  They have Batman on them this time and are blue and black.  Very cool.  I think he looks so ridiculously cute here.  He's so proud and he's so brave and I am constantly brought to tears at how tough this little guy is.  How can you even be sad when he's wearing a smile that big?

He gets to wear these braces pretty much all the time for the next 4 weeks.  Then he'll wear them a few hours a day for 2 months... and then we're done!  FOREVER!

Considering Tyler hasn't been able to wear shoes or socks for the last two and a half months, our first stop was to the shoe store!  He wanted to buy Darth Vader shoes (when did my kids choose the dark side?!) and unfortunately they didn't fit.  We'll go back and buy them once the braces are off.

I know a simple thing like shoe shopping doesn't seem that significant, but Tyler had casts on his feet for the first 3 months of his life, he had to wear the Ponsetti shoes for much of the first year, and he has never really had normally shaped feet that made it easy to wear normal shoes.  This is quite a big deal.

We celebrated our good morning with a chocolate chip muffin top!  Life is good!

Slow down. Be present.

GPOYW

Husband, me, Misty

BEST and most timely quote of the day

"A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep."

~Vernon Howard~

*Thanks Jenn!