Homesick

I never realized how homesick I was until I actually went "home" yesterday. I use the term collectively because I have never known what the word "home" really signified. Growing up as a military brat, you never really have a home town. I remember seeing a picture in a friend of mine's house one time that said "Home is where the Marine Corps sends you." In my case, it was the Navy. Sure, my parents have a hometown, but considering mine never visit where they are from either, there is no connectedness in my life.

My husband thinks its funny that I like to go to the town where his parents live every now and then. As much as I make fun of the place (it is tiny, very back-woods and the people are definitely crazy), it's STABLE. It doesn't ever change and the people who live there have known each other their whole lives.

I used to be envious of the kids I went to high school with because literally, most of them had grown up together. They were in the same kindergarten class. They always lived in the same house their whole life and they had been friends since they were 5. I've never known what that was like.

When I was in college, my Dad moved from the town I considered "home" and I was instantly uprooted again. He followed me to the city I live in now and his house is newer than mine. Yet again, I'm an orphan. Home is supposed to be the place you escape to when the world is just too much to handle. Your refuge. The place you go at holidays to reconnect with friends and family. The place that knows all of your flaws and still loves you just the same... The place where you can be yourself and you find comfort. Maybe that's what's wrong with me? I need the comfort...

I got a taste of that yesterday and it was almost too much to handle. I had lunch with a friend from high school that I haven't seen in 15 years. We were pretty close in school - we lived 4 doors down from each other. We were some of the only children of divorced parents in our school - we had alot in common. Just talking to her and reminiscing about all the crazy people we knew really made me nostalgic. Not nostalgic to be 15 again. Not nostalgic to be in high school again. Just made me long for that connectedness I had for a short period in my life.

I mentioned my nostalgia to a friend yesterday and he asked me if I was making myself more sad than necessary. I didn't think I was... but now I'm not so sure. It was only 4 years of my life that we spent there, but I will always consider that small town that I used to label on my letters as "middle of nowhere NC" my HOME.

As Alabama put it -

Down home, where they know you by name
And treat you like family
Down home, a man’s good word and a hand shake
Are all you need
Folks know, if they're falling on hard times
They can fall back on
Those of us raised up down home