My solo trip home

Brace yourselves, this is going to be a long post.  

I decided on Saturday to take my stepmother up on her generous offer to watch the kids for the day so that I could go to the beach.  I loaded everyone up in the car, dogs included, and drove to Garner early on Saturday morning.  The boys didn't so much as wave at me when I left them, they were already too excited to be with Grammy for the day, so I left in a great mood and ready for some sun, sand and relaxation. 

I had pretty much decided on going to Topsail Island for the day because it's pretty easy to get to and its closer than Emerald Isle, which is my beach of choice.  As soon as I started driving, I could feel something pulling me in a different direction, so I debated for the next 30 minutes as to what to do.  I texted a friend.  I weighed the pros and cons... and it wasn't before I heard "Back where I come from" by Kenny Chesney on the radio that I finally made my decision.  Emerald Isle it is!

Now normally this decision would be a no brainer because with children tagging along, a 3 hour drive in the car and then a long walk down a set of stairs at the pier with all of our gear in hand, would have convinced me that Topsail (and the dune you just walk out over) was a much better option.  But something told me today I just needed to go "home".

I cheerfully made the turn at exit 373.  I noticed more than I usually did... that Beulaville still smelled like turkey houses.  That the drive to Richlands was longer than I remember.  That the sign welcoming you to town no longer said "Town of Perfect Water."  When did they lose that moniker??

I stopped at Arnold's for a butterscotch milkshake at 10am.  I was called "shug" twice in the 5 minutes I was in town.  Stop.  Breathe.  Ahh.... home.  Got back in the car and kept on driving.  Man, the high school sure has gotten big.  When did that neighborhood get built?  A lot has changed since we lived here.

I laughed at all the tattoo parlors and strip clubs on Lejeune Blvd right outside the main gate of the base.  Damn Jacksonville, keeping it classy!  It wasn't until I got to the outskirts of Swansboro that I really started to get emotional.  Swansboro.  Heather.  Dammit...

I had been listening to my ipod on the drive because I couldn't really remember any of the radio stations anymore, and half of the stuff on the air I wouldn't recognize anyway.  So of course it's only fitting that as soon as I got to Swansboro, A Long December by the Counting Crows came on the radio.  The song.  You know, the one that says "A long december and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last. I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving, oh the days go by so fast..."   Yep, that one.  That was all it took for me to just lose it completely and break down crying, sobbing... one hot mess.  I decided that I should stop and take some pictures to chronicle my solo beach trip day, so I went to the little waterside park in Swansboro, thinking that would get me to calm down a little.  I took my phone and snapped a few shots, sat on a bench in the park, then just cried some more.  Everything about that crazy little town reminds me of my sister.

I guess that's why I needed to go through there.  I felt like I needed the emotional release.  Alot has been going on lately and it's almost like something drew me there so that I would know I wasn't alone.  God I miss her.  I miss having a best friend I could call when things weren't going well.  Someone I could talk to who never judged me and always knew exactly what to say when I needed a kick in the pants, a hug, whatever.  While I was sitting on that bench, I realized that this whole "need" in my life for being near home probably stemmed from missing her.  Needing those memories.  Never forgetting her.

So after I got it all out of my system, I put on my big girl panties, wiped my tears away and got back in the car.  As soon as I made the turn for Emerald Isle, I could feel my mood lifting and the stress in my life just melting away.  Ahh... the beach!  My refuge!  Hello old friend, I'm sorry I have been gone so long!  I paid my money (by the way, when did the price to park at the pier go up to $10??) and parked in the 4th spot near the stairs.  Got my bag and my chair and went out to grab a good spot before it got too crowded.  It's rare for me to ever get relaxing time by myself anymore.  And I had the whole day ahead of me!!  When you're all by yourself though, you start to notice a lot of things, but have no one to tell them about.  So here were my observations while I was sitting alone, people watching:

1.  Alcohol companies sure do make alot of bikinis.  I saw Corona bikinis, Bud Light bikinis, Miller Light bikinis, Jose Cuervo and even Captain Morgans bikinis!  None of them were cute and only made the girls wearing them look like rednecks.

2.  People wear cowboy boots on the beach.  There was a dude sitting in front of me who had them on.  I'm assuming because his feet wouldn't get sandy?

3.  I have alot more respect for military servicemen than I used to.  In fact, my father specifically told me when i was a teenager not to date one, bring one home, etc.  And I listened.  In fact, the entire time I lived in Jacksonville, I pretty much ignored them.  Now I am in awe of them - their bravery, their courage, their devotion.  They are doing the job I would never have signed up for myself.  And they did it willingly!  I have the utmost respect for any solider I meet nowadays and I try to say thank you and shake their hands every chance I get.

4. I am very critical of people in bathing suits.  I think I compared my own body to every single girl that walked by in front of me all day long.  Mostly I was checking to see that the bikini they were wearing was flattering etc, but I was making sure I felt happy and confident in how I looked.  I've been working so hard over the last 4 months - I deserve a little bit of vanity right??

5. It was painful leaving.  I had intended on leaving the beach at 3pm and by 4:30 I had finally gathered enough courage to pack up and go.  So long, EI.  See you again soon.

As I was leaving town again, I took more time than usual reading the Welcome Home banners on the fence near the Lejeune main gate.  I tried to take in every detail of the place.  Who knows when I'll get back again and will actually have the time to stop and smell the roses.  I got so distracted that I didn't realize where I was driving and before I knew it I was on a HIGHWAY in Jacksonville!  An interstate?!  In Jacksonville???  Where did this come from?  Oh hell...

Luckily I finally made it back to Raleigh and back to my children.  I made it back to the life I know now.  And with that healthy dose of nostalgia and longing for home, I vowed that one day I would have a beach house there so that I could go back home whenever I needed to.  Now the debate begins - should the house be in Topsail or Emerald Isle...