(*backstory: I gave my sister-in-law a birthday card that had a page of Mad Libs on the front. THIS is what my brother and her created together last night - I laughed so hard I almost peed)
Dearest Oscar,
Happy birthday to the most creamy grocery store in the whole wide pumpkin! I hope all your balls come true on this dirty day. May your year be filled with joy and bastards. I hope you know how proud I am of what a/an sweaty helmet you have become. I can hardly believe you're turning 12 years old! My, how the pig-fuckers have flown. I hope you spend your special day doing something that will make you feel large. With any luck, you'll get that newfangled hat you've been saving for! Happy birthday, my darling school!
Hugs and highways,
Your friend Amy
Because most of the time, no one really wants to listen to my random ramblings and such...
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